God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
