why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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