he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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