I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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