i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
