You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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