I cannot find my penis.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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