wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
