Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize