I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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