I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
