Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
