Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
