When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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