Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
