So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
