if i can run in heels then i can drive
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
