youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
