the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
