woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
