I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
