What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
