i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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