Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize