Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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