I'm jealous of your bromance
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
