I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
