Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
