I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
