Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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