booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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