Jerry, you need to find god
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
