Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So apparently I’m into choking now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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