think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
