I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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