My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
