this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
