it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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