i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
