It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
