I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
