We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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