i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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