did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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