did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
