Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
