i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize