That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
