Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
