I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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