go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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