hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
