Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my sisters under your porch take her home
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
