it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Please don't give away my fajitas
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
