Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
