My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
