YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
