I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They are going to name an STD after you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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