the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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