So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
