he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
