R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
