Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
