I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
