I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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