I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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