I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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