PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
