Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
