Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Screwed.edu
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just pee around me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize