God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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