someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
