70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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