rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize