Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
