we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
